Remainder voice rewrite — cut page
Drafted with the rewritten remainder-voice skill (Agent Queue #40). Nothing below is live; no theme edit, no publish. Gate: 0 must-fix flags on every draft. Read each, tell me Keep / pick a version / Kill with a note.
A. Soap PDP description — paragraph 2
Live: theme/snippets/product-info.liquid line 10 (also duplicated on the homepage, item B below)
Live now
Only tallow. We don't cut the bar with other oils or fats, so tallow is the only fat in it. That's where the thick, creamy lather comes from: tallow's firm fats make small, dense bubbles instead of big, airy ones, and it rinses clean.
Why it's getting replaced: "Only tallow." is a subject label, not an outcome (fails the new headline test). "Tallow is the only fat" is the exact line you killed in r128 on 09-29 ("tallow is the only fat is a weird way to word it... your writing sucks man") — it's still live.
Draft 1
A thicker lather. Just grass-fed tallow, not cut with other oils or fats. Tallow is a solid, heavy fat, which is why the lather comes out thick and creamy instead of big and airy, and the bar rinses clean.
Draft 2
Not cut with anything. Grass-fed tallow, nothing else. No other oils or fats mixed in, so the lather stays thick and creamy instead of thin and soapy, and it rinses clean.
Draft 3
Still a thick, creamy lather. Just grass-fed tallow, not cut with other oils or fats, so nothing dilutes it. That's why it lathers thick and creamy instead of thin, and the bar rinses clean.
Blind read (fresh reader, zero context): all three headlines read a little label-ish to a stranger ("names a texture, not a full benefit") — same shape as "Clean without the tight feeling." which you kept as a knowing gray call, so the mechanical gate flags the 5-word headline in Draft 3 as a brent-call, not a kill. Also flagged: "not cut with other oils" reads oddly on first pass to someone with zero context ("like drug slang") — it's your own exact fix from r128, kept here on purpose; your call if it still reads fine in context next to the other two paragraphs.
Unchanged (already clean, for reference)
Para 1: Clean without the tight feeling. Your skin feels clean, not stripped. That's because the bar is superfatted: we leave 7% of the tallow (beef fat) as fat on purpose instead of turning all of it into soap.
Para 3: A bar that lasts. Tallow is a hard fat, and we make it the old way with a precise cold process. The result is a harder, denser bar that lasts longer.
B. Homepage "Why tallow soap" — point 2
Live: theme/templates/index.json block r_home_why/point_2 (same wording as A, titled slightly differently)
Live now
Only tallow. We don't cut the bar with other oils or fats. Tallow's firm fats make a thick, creamy lather of small, dense bubbles, and it rinses clean.
Same fix as A. Use whichever of Draft 1/2/3 above you pick for the PDP, or a different one here if you'd rather the homepage not read identically to the PDP.
C. Homepage "Made the old way, in New York"
Live: theme/templates/index.json block r_home_story
Live now
You get a bar that lathers thick, rinses clean and lasts longer. It is handcrafted in New York the old way, with a precise cold process and tallow as the only fat.
Draft
You get a bar that lathers thick, rinses clean and lasts longer. It's handcrafted in New York the old way, with a precise cold process and just grass-fed tallow, not cut with anything else.
"tallow as the only fat" is the same banned shape as A/B, just worded differently.
D. Homepage FAQ — "What's in it?"
Live: theme/templates/index.json FAQ block r_faq_3
Live now
It's beef tallow soap, and tallow is the only fat in it, so no other oil is mixed in. The ingredient list starts with Saponified Grass-Fed Beef Tallow, Water. Saponified means the tallow has been turned into soap. The scented bars add their essential oils, plus turmeric, activated charcoal, or spirulina and finely ground pumice, depending on the scent.
This is the exact line the job that queued this rewrite flagged: the 2026-11-15 TikTok description rewrite copied "current public PDP language" and inherited "tallow is the only fat" straight from this FAQ answer.
Draft
It's beef tallow soap: just grass-fed tallow, not cut with other oils. The ingredient list starts with Saponified Grass-Fed Beef Tallow, Water. Saponified means the tallow has been turned into soap. The scented bars add their essential oils, plus turmeric, activated charcoal, spirulina or ground pumice, depending on the scent.
Blind read liked this one as-is ("clear, answers the actual question"), with one open note: the colorant list (turmeric, charcoal, spirulina, pumice) is presented with no reason given. Not fixing that here since it's outside this ticket's scope (facts only, not a new persuasion pass) — flagging in case you want it tightened later.
E. Soap PDP ingredient drawer — the tallow line
Live: theme/snippets/remainder-key-ingredients.liquid line 15, base_items — shared across all four scents' ingredient drawers
Live now
Grass-fed beef tallow → "The only fat. A rich, creamy lather."
This is bank r135/r128 verbatim, still live. (Housekeeping note: I split r135 in bank/reactions.jsonl today so this line stops showing as a "kept" example — it was the format around it that you liked, not this sentence.)
Draft
Grass-fed beef tallow → "Not cut with other oils or fats. A rich, creamy lather."
Optional, not a rule violation: the Lye line currently reads "Converts fat into soap." — write/FLOOR.md's exact approved wording is "Lye turns fat into soap." Same meaning; flagging in case you want the live line to match your stated phrasing exactly.
F. Deodorant PDP — feature-block section title
Live (draft product, not yet launched): theme/templates/product.deodorant.json section deo_points, over the 3 feature blocks (Goes on smooth / A short ingredient list / Handles odor, not sweat)
Live now
Tallow first
This is the exact fail example named in the ticket's done-check ("subject-label headline, not an outcome"). Section subheading "Tallow Deodorant" above it is fine as a product label and isn't changed.
Draft 1 (recommended — blind read preferred this one)
Simple, and it works.
Draft 2
Nothing you don't need.
Blind read on Draft 2: "vaguest of the set, doesn't say what the product does, reads as a slogan riding on the three feature blocks for meaning." Keeping it as an option since you may read it differently with the three blocks right under it.
G. Deodorant PDP description — no change proposed
theme/sections/remainder-deodorant-pdp.liquid lines 214-216 (marked in the file as "writer + checker draft")
Goes on smooth. Grass-fed beef tallow is the first ingredient, and the stick glides on smooth.
Handles odor, not sweat. Zinc ricinoleate binds odor molecules. This is a deodorant, not an antiperspirant, so you will still sweat.
A short ingredient list. It's aluminum-free, with no baking soda and no beeswax. Unscented is ten ingredients, and each scent adds three essential oils.
Already passes every new check (outcome headlines, no claim words, no "is the only"). No draft needed. One caveat: the live product page (remainder-deodorant-main.liquid) pulls its Description accordion from Shopify's product.description field directly, which isn't in this repo — worth a live check that it actually matches this text before the deodorant launches.
Built by Maximus, Agent Queue #40. Gate script: skills/remainder-voice/gate/check.py. Full file list in the queue report.